As I write this I wonder, how many times to I have to cope with this constant pain in my chest. It seems these feeling won't go away no matter what I do, I feel so, I dunno what I should do. Maybe I should just continue to lay here an pretend, or stare in a daze at what my mind leads me to believe. Haven't I lived in this constant fantasy world before, with the words "I love you..." and "You mean the world to me." ?
I look at the phone, and know I shouldn't call. I couldn't feel more alone right now, but its pretty much fine, I've been worse. I'm to much of a good person, I wish I was selfish, and unfaithful at times then I know why I'd have such bad luck. I can't wait for tonight, I don't even wanna be in my own skin right now. The constant reminder of how much I don't belong lingers in my heart, and I pray its just a girl thing... I want them to be happy I pray every night they are but as I look at it, they seem more happy with one another than with me around, it could be my dreams making me feel this way but I dunno.
I guess, I should just lay here, that's all I can do. -sigh-
I wish I had a sign, I wish I knew were to go who I could talk to that would understand and not jump to conclusions but in this situation I'd rather leave it to myself. There I go doing things on my own.
I can't help it, its who I am there's only one person who's been able to take care of me and hes not around anymore... So I'm back to doing it on my own.
I wish myself luck.
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