;_;

I sit here intoxicated as I've ever been. My vision is blurry, my eyes are low and I feel completely numb. All the pain I had today is now in a ball vastly gliding through space, and it feels great. Even though sex would be wonderful right, I don't feel anything at the thought of sex. Usually, I'll think more about it and think of "him" and "her" fucking and it usually fucks me up emotionally but eh, what can you do?

He enjoyed it, that's all that matt----...... anyway off that subject.

I'm freezing cold, just ate Mcdonalds, and is wishing slightly in my head he'd change his mind at his decision. As much as I wanna scream and shot and make a hub bub, it won't change the fact that he made his choice. He told me he was going to find another girlfriend somewhere else, he couldn't hurt either of us. So, bam. My last and final scrap of pride out the window, earlier when we were talking he told me I was making him feel worse.

I had to apologize at that point, because I noticed I was.

Is just so un fuckin fair.

This is the VERY same reason why, I was done with love after Brandon. In which case today "he" decided to go to Brandon and ask him question knowing he did ME wrong, but maybe I am wishie washy".

That still hurts ya know.

You went to him of all people.

That hurts alot.

I can't say I won't miss the affection, I had alot of firsts with you I'll say but I guess non of that matters. I can't even begin to describe how I'm going to feel when I come down, Oh man.

-__-

I'm sorry you had to go through all this I am.

.......................

That's how I feel right now, that's the best description I have to offer. Not only did she have YOU last, sexually, physical, and emotionally, but you got numerous chances where I didn't to be with him. I know I've hurt him, and drive him up and wall and down, taking time to set your aura all over the place. We're equally matched, you're right but someone how the words "more than air" ring in my head and I feel liked too.

So many emotions and feelings, I wish I couldn't feel anymore. It's just so....-sigh-.... It's the same ol sad song... and I have to keep singing it because no1 will upgrade me to DISCO!


I'm high.

I'll never again feel his lips, cuddle, lay, love, play around, nothing of the short. That'd be crossing the line, and if he does it to me he'll have to do it to Hikari and well, more shit.

Damnit.

FML.

My life's motto.