A shattered toy

Staring at the screen, words floating to my head in paragraphs and I try to keep up to things but like all I lose my way in this black abyss that I call my mind. Staring at pages and time as it floats by I can't seem to understand why, why does thing end up so badly? One minute I'm content and the next I could take my own life if you would just let me go enough.

Holding onto you, feeling like you're my only hold to my sanity as I further slip into the darkness that holds me so tightly. I feel it swallowing me whole, my breathing hitches and my chest caves in. I become dizzy, I feel numb. A lovely feeling, even if my soul is being sucked out, I feel nothing and I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel heavenly.

Thoughts of you flood to my eyes, ever so slowly you pass with this hurt expression on your face, even when I close my eyes your face won't fade from me. Why must you hunt me even in my demise? Death is the only way I can let you be happy and release me from such unbearable pain.

Even when I realize this you, draw me back. You hold me, and you won't let me go, locking me away so I can't harm myself anymore than my own thoughts. You care for me, feed me, bathe, me.

Until I break.

I break in your arms, and all you can do is watch. If only you had just let me leave this world, I wouldn't of had to watch the pain in your eyes, as your shinny new toy just broke. All is well dearest, you're old toy will return and you will be happy with it. I won't leave you behind alone, your love for me will convert and all will be well.

You look at me, anger in your eyes as if you've read my mind. Pinning me down you stare into my eyes and tears fall from my cheeks but my face doesn't change.

How does it feel to have a broken toy?

This is what happens when you let people take your toys and they miss use them, but I guess its my fault for being a toy because I'm willing to be a good object for anyone who'll play with me. What else am I to do? It's in my craft.

How long will you try to fix something that's gone from broken to ruined? Do you believe in me so much that I'll be fixed and brand new again?

Time will tell won't it?

Only a matter of time before you put me down for something else new and shinning, and I collect dust in a closet somewhere in darkness.

Darkness.

It always somehow leads back to the that swelling abyss, and until that day comes all I can do is be here waiting to be thrown away again, but this time by my original owner.

Well Master, I'll be by your side until I'm cast away.