You made me love you.

You made me love you even when I didn't want too. Each day you started taking up more of my thoughts, and I just wanted to hear your voice and make you smile. I only want the best for you, I know I wasn't the easiest thing to deal with I realize that but I'm more than grateful for you doing it. You were the person I depended on, and needed for so long the only person who seemed to care and the last person to take my heart with them. I don't wanna love again after you, I know if you're reading this you probably don't believe me and I know the reason why. In this I spill ever feeling I have for you on the table before we both leave each other lives.

I know I care for you, I care for you so much that I even shed tears, everyone says that I shouldn't but deep down inside I can't help it, you are the only man I know that loved me the way you did and meant it. It's harder to let you go this time then the last one, when I tell you no1 else wants me besides you and you laugh, I mean it. For reasons I thought you could see. Any other man wants me because I'm bi or because I have big tits but you, you like every each about me, and you've showed me physically, emotionally, and sexually.

Most everyone I know has been telling me this is all over the fact of you can't let Hikari go, and I'm not sure because like I said history has a way of repeating itself. I want you happy, but I wanted you happy with me. Have you ever felt like you've had a calling in your life? I'm sure you have probably art, and animation.

My calling is to be the back bone of a great man. I don't have any special talents like everyone else, I'm normal I guess you could say, some ppl say I have a beautiful personality but what does that mean to the world?

I want you to be successful in life, I do. I want you happy, and loved with kids the whole shabang but, it hurts to know that you're not loving me, the same something you've wanted so long and made me believe you wanted me, and needed me. Now I just feel thrown away, like I had to but my pain and longing aside to make sure you have a secure future. No matter how many nights I went to sleep asking god why does he keep doing this to me, I never got an answer. How many more people is he going to take from me?

I know its morbit to think about but, but when my only from of parents is taken by you, what will I have?

Nothing.

I was placing so much in this relationship, in you and now I'm getting mixed signals and other things that only hurt and confuse me. I'm willing to wait for you no matter how long it takes like I said I gave you my heart. I just can't wait to find out I'm picked last again, ya know?

Now do you understand?

I don't do what I donot to be an asshole, I do it trying to place myself in happiness other in pain like before. Remember this happened before, you being in love with chibi and set me on the back burner until you were ready?

Well I don't want that again.

Sometimes I wish I could just cry and cry and god would have sympathy on my soul, and let me be happy with no pain. You make me happy, I realize that, and I'm sure you've heard this.

This is how I truly feel, but my happiness never last. Hopefully yours will, even now I shed tears wish I could turn time back, but I'm so lost at to what to do, I'm scared and so afraid with no1 to promise me it'll be alright. I would so rather be in your arms and cry right now but you think I don't trust you, its not that I don't trust the given situation because its a repeat of my history and I'm always hurt and lied to, I'm only human dear I try but I can only hold on for so long and as you know there's nothing positive in my head.

With all this said.

I love you so much Orlando Oree, you made life easier to deal with and made me smile on the dark days, and I just want you to know that you have my heart.